If I Had A Million Dollars

“Long live the new regime, new religion, new art and new love!”

dzhivago — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 19:56:19 +0000

Old memories of the September evenings in Russia are becoming all-consuming. I have been thinking about the Mayakovski Museum, which I never had the chance to visit when I was in Moscow. I am dying to see if this post-modern representation of his Socialist fantasy is as “thought provoking” as it is advertised. Photographs show a sort of burning juxtaposed intensity in its sharp rooms and a space where art is intended to captivate with a fervent vision of the Revolution.

Mayakovsky Museum

I believe the best way to prepare for travel is to read, reflect and formulate a theme. In preparation for my trip I will be reading and reflecting on Mayakovsky’s poetry. I admit, I haven’t sat and read Mayakovsky since I was 19 and I’m now 22! I will also admit, that the depth of my passion for Russian history has not yet reached the Soviet Union. I have always felt that Soviet History was, at best a little boring (I much prefer the formation of Kiev and the Middle Ages)! However, I am going to give Mayakovsky and the Revolution a chance this time around. To begin with, what I remember as my favorite, perhaps one of his more famous:

“A Cloud in Pants”

Took a trip to the Half Price Book Store today, just for some fun in Lexington. They had a section of collectables and some original editions of a few classics, Twain, Faulkner, Voltaire…

I thought about perhaps making a list of my favorite classics and making a point to try to find the original editions or perhaps within the first few years of the original publication for myself. However, I am going to not “cheat” by purchasing on ebay or other sites. I want to actually find them! Any ideas? I hope that my possible future trip to Russia will help. I am aware of the regulations involving bringing old things home, yet I had no trouble with customs the first time. Maybe I will get lucky again?

Or perhaps is it better to find them online and not to risk getting the books through customs?

I have two projects this semester to prepare for my second journey!

Is It That Time… Again?

dzhivago — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 20:45:40 +0000

So it has been more than a few months since I have written. There has been plenty of time to ponder the happenings of my first tip to Moscow. Although I had difficulties, mostly involving language, feelings of inadequacy and unforeseen, often harsh disappointments, these past months have given me time to really forgive myself for the mistakes I made and take at least a reasonable amount of pride in my accomplishments.

From My Personal Photos, Red Square

I believe now I have come to a place where I can go again. This time I know what to expect on the metro, in the city, the people without feeling entirely vulnerable.

I never posted about my last day. It was most certainly my best! I woke up in the morning and got on the metro after sending some last minute post cards! I then went to the Arbat and ventured to Gogol’s house museum. I hadn’t been before and it was fantastic! On the bottom floor is the museum, with several rooms where Gogol wrote, spent his last days before his death, his death bed and the fire place where he tried to destroy dead souls. Really cool stuff. Then upstairs, fancy this, an actual library! Our university doesn’t have one, so I was stuck studying in the barren dorms or eventually my room at my apartment. So this was a great library and I read, relaxed, prepared to leave.

I then walked everywhere I had been in the beginning. Red square, Kremlin, and a few other places. I walked for hours until after dark. I then went to my favorite coffee place, the “Coffee Bean” as it is called. It is a cute “American” style coffee place that I am photographed in, in the previous post.

I hope to keep updating as I plan my next trip. Hopefully it will be in December, after I graduate. More info to come. I may even add a little stop in Germany/ somewhere new or special as my funds permit! We will see…

Is it again time for more hot chocolate and Chekhov at my favorite little place in Moscow?

До свидания!

dzhivago — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:29:27 +0000

Luckily I have made time to write again. I hope people will read! Mainly, because tomorrow is my last full day in Russia, at least this time around. My hands are absolutely frozen from walking a long way in the winter air, so I type slowly, but surely…

I was discussing with our student coordinator about my overall feelings of this experience. She said to me that she hopes I will come back and that lightning never strikes the same person twice, among other things! I feel appreciative of this because, she is right. What have I learned from all of this? As I sit in this Russian version of an American style café, watching the snowfall out the window and the cars pass by, what have I learned? First of all:

1. Life is process. Process, process, process until the end. Even when you die, you have started the decomposition process and it continues all over again. I will always carry this. I am in process…. process… process…

2. Men are stupid; all of them. Just some men are more stupid than others. This is cross-cultural. This concept knows no boundaries and speaks all languages. I continue on my movement towards finding the least stupid of them all!

3. I conquered about 100 fears while in Russia. This includes my fear of skinheads and racism, being a foreigner and having a serious language barrier, not being perfect, not being liked by everyone, getting lost (because I did more than once), the metro, getting my heart broken in more ways than one, etc… thus I can and will continue conquering more. Свобода!

4. I need to read more books.

5. Life is much more than reading books. (Too bad people are so much more difficult than books to read)

6. I need to always save my work or some guy might accidentally unplug my computer from the wall and I could have to write this whole thing all over again. (Process)

7. Sometimes all you need is to get punched, bruised, and the wind knocked out of you at the best concert of your life to relieve physical stress. Music is a beautiful thing.

8. Tears are not an indication of a lack in strength of character. They are just sometimes part of the process.

9. The concept of the “mysterious Russian soul” is really just bull. We all have soul, some more than others. Any Russian who tries to pull the “Russia has so much soul” crap on you as a foreigner, ignore it. It, by in large is used now as a complex. Believe me, one can find “soul” in Gogol and Twain (even though I like Gogol better). One can also find soul in Washington D.C., Berlin, Mexico City, Sidney, the whole state of KENTUCKY, as well as in Moscow. The point is, depth of “cultural soul” is not somehow especially reserved for Russia.

10.I’ve gained much more than I’ve lost.

11.I am going to keep my head up forever. As long as I live…I also will return to Russia. Who knows when? But for now… До свидания!

P.S. Thanks for all the support from back home. I love you and miss you all.

Wanderlust/ Wonderlust

dzhivago — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:48:56 +0000

Let me out, Let me be gone...

I have to admit, the past few days I have been feeling a sort of exquisite bliss. Monday, I found out that Gogol Bordello, my favorite band playing at the moment, was going to be playing a concert in Moscow Tuesday night. I knew this was fate. If it is possible to go back to my first entry in this blog, I wrote about being “consumed by wanderlust.” This was in reference to a song by Gogol B, called Wonderlust King, which just so happens to be a large piece of my inspiration for travel, especially to Russia. How fitting is it for me to have started with Gogol B. and to have ended with Gogol B.? (Although I am not so sure this is the end) The concert was an absolute fantastic experience, which is just impossible for me to express in writing. I pretty much danced away all the troubles from the semester. I danced everything away, my stress, my fear, everything that has caused setbacks. I didn’t realize what all I had put my body through until it was over. I am still in a lot of pain. Several bruises taken, included one fabulous hit to the face! Absolutely worth it for Gogol B! I also should mention, that their music means a lot to me, not only for the inspiration, as previously mentioned, but also because of what their music and they represent. As a multicultural, or multiethnic person, I have never felt at home in one culture or another. I have either felt largely rejected by cultures, or not able to fit, for one reason or another. Gogol B. is just that. As I am a woman really without a culture, other than the obvious “American” I suppose because by default I speak American English and have some mannerisms that are largely in general associated with being American, I am myself. That’s just it. Not white, not black, just me. Gogol B. refuses any particular category of ethnic anything. They are a mix and have stated that they are just themselves. No more no less. I love that concept and I feel at home in their music. So this could be my last entry in Russia, although I hope I can write before I depart. I only have 10 days left; a happy almost “end” to this particular journey. I will absolutely return a new woman- a “gypsy punk” as it may. I have exams next week and then “graduation” from the program. Hurray! I made it! Here are the photos from the concert. I hope I can upload the videos. If not, then in two weeks check back. Until the next entry,

“I’m a wonderlust king

I stay on the run

Let me out

Let me be gone

In the world’s beat up road sign

I saw new history of a time…”

A for Effort

dzhivago — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:15:14 +0000

It looks as though the last time I wrote I was under an extraordinary amount of stress. Things are better now. The exam is just two weeks away and to be honest, it only matters if I decide it matters. It’s just the TORFL, not for a grade. In fact I should receive and A for effort in the classes themselves, but I suppose I feel that passing a difficult exam is one way to show an individual’s knowledge and improvement. But I know that this experience for me is much more than the results of one exam. I have wanted to travel to Russia for 4 years. My prepadavatelnitsa said today in my individual that she’s not sure how I will do on the exam, most my problems being psychological, but she says she is happy with how much I have improved, that I know a lot and can speak well. That is an accomplishment, end of story. I am not adept at languages, so none of this was ever going to come easily as other things, but I have learned more than I had expected and that’s something worth relaxing about!

On another note, if I’m not studying and doing a great deal of homework I have been visiting more museums and monasteries. Like last weekend! We visited Novodevichy located not to far from Sportivnaya metro station on the red line. In the main building there is a small collection of art/icons all done by the monks at the monastery. It also had very nice, shall we say, aroma??? First noticed by a friend of mine and I have to agree. For those interested in Moscow, Novodevichy is worth the visit, if not just for the scents. I believe at this point in time is maybe 70 rubles for a ticket, although I am a student.

Better news I forgot to mention! I have finally moved into a home stay which is one of the reasons why I have not updated in so long. I got sick of dorm life and felt the need to get out into Russia. So, I have been living with a babushka, dedushka and doystchik ( not sure about my Russian to English phonetics). So a grandmother, grandfather and granddaughter who is 15. I am grateful for this, mostly because they are very kind to me, but also because I talk to them everyday in Russian and it is excellent practice. Much better than speaking English all the time. Now I only speak English some of the time! Every morning my babushka makes me breakfast and we watch the morning news and talk a bit about whatever. Then I have a nice 15min walk to class. This is also awesome because back in Lexington I always walk from my apartment to class and back or from my apartment to work. So walking in the morning feels like home to me. Enjoy the pics. Two more weeks…

To Know Russian Grammar, Is to Love Russian Grammar

dzhivago — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:14:47 +0000

Taken in a little Russian town, just outside Moscow

Thoughts about where I am having been cycling through my head since I arrived here and today I was borderline breakdown. I am just not learning Russian grammar the way I would like. My classes are difficult and although I do feel I understand most of what is being taught, I’m not retaining in any visible substantial way. This is frustrating beyond what I am able to express on this blog and I have shed so many tears over it these past few weeks I am not sure why I am even here. I can hardly understand what people say unless its slow and I am never quick to answer. I am questioning my reasons for coming here and whether picking Russian was the stupidest decision I have ever made. I am not adept at languages and I picked Russian?! What in the hell was I thinking? It wasn’t a random choice. This, as I have mentioned has been a well thought out ambition of mine for years. Why now am I realizing it may never happen? This is not the first time I have ever struggled with something difficult. I was a classical musician for nearly 10 years and although it did come a bit easier than Russian, I do still remember moments of complete despair and lots of tears when attempting to learn difficult and seemingly impossible passages of… oh … I don’t know… Shostakovitch, Stravinsky, Copland, Bernstein and many others that gave me problems. I suppose I managed because I love music so much. This is where it gets a little complicated I suppose. I have been thinking, “to know, know, know you is to love, love, love you…” So, does truly knowing something mean one has to love that something? To really love something takes a ready heart, I know this. I have always thought that one can never truly give or receive love before he or she is ready. This goes more with relationships. I had thought until recently that love was never possible for me. Like what guy in his right mind would want to make babies with a mess of a person such as me? That’s what I used to think. I’ve grown out of that. Now, I think that it has nothing to do with me being not lovable, or anyone really, not just me. It has more to do with just being ready. That’s the truth as I see it. So I suppose I could possibly apply the same logic to learning Russian. It may not have anything to do with me being unlearnable, or un able to learn, but I have to be ready to learn. Ready to really let myself love Russian grammar. Love it for all of its nuances and complexities. Most languages have these. Any thoughts on this issue are welcome. I am feeling like I could break under all the pressure.

Tolstoy the Russian Hippie, Frustrations and StPetersburg

dzhivago — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:21:07 +0000

Feel free to shun me in the blog world for being a horrid blogger. So much has happened the past few weeks it’s a good thing I keep a private journal! So, here are a few highlights. I saw another wonderful ballet; French classical this time. I am not sure if I mentioned in a past post but it has been since I was four that I saw classical ballet and loved it. I also saw a play at the theater located near Pushkinskaya with a Russian friend, a comedy based on Gogol’s Dead souls. It was fantastic; although I had a difficult time understanding more than just the overall story. My language at this point need a great deal of work and is the only thing that really has made this travel experience less enjoyable. I need a more positive attitude I suppose. When I started learning Russian, I was a music major, performance to be exact. I was learning Russian for my own personal challenge, but not really retaining anything and it really shows here. The only evidence perhaps of my three years of study is pronunciation. When I can say something, I can say it pretty well, but I have shed quite a few tears these past few weeks over my lack of understanding and speaking and I am unsure if I will take the National Exam. We will see…

Another wonderful highlight was our visit to Tolstoy’s house located near Park Kultulry(English spelling?) So, I had read Anna K and had absolutely fallen in love with Levin, one of the main characters who according to Tolstoy, possesses the characteristics of a “true” Russian. Levin is hot tempered, romantic, a bit emotional, in love with Kitty, nature and has a deep “Russian soul” we could say. That’s why I love Levin. Anyways, I didn’t know quite as much before this visit to Tolstoy’s house, but not only was he a vegetarian, but his house in Moscow, he refused to be built with any of the “luxury” amenities available at the time. For example things like running water and electricity. Tolstoy also loved to ride his bike around Moscow and loved the country. Total hippie. I didn’t take pics, all apologies.

So, onto Petersburg, which after the first two days was cold as heck! We rode the midnight train and had a blast. A train ride in Russia, how romantic! We stayed in a hostel, which made me miss the dormitory, yes it was that bad. I have mosquito bites to show and the Petersburg water reeked of iron. But I loved the Hermitage, Peter and Paul fortress and Dostoevsky’s apartment museum. The venture to the apartment museum was just a few of us Dostoevsky lovers. Not the whole group and we went inside Our Lady of Vladimir Cathedral where Dostoevsky attended when he lived in this apartment. There was a small wedding service, which was my first. No pictures allowed of course, but try to use your imagination! Another highlight, something I had been thinking about before I had even left the country, is the Idiot! The Idiot is a restaurant in Petersburg, which is exclusively vegetarian/ vegan. I myself do not eat meat, so this was something I had on my list of things to do. I would recommend it highly to any traveler, meat eater or not. I had a great mushroom soup and I know my friends liked their borsch. According the restaurant “Dostoevsky loved this place!” I am happy that my vegan friend and I made a point of going there. They also speak English and the menu can be available in English, fyi. So that’s about all I am wiling to write considering there is too much to keep a blog reader interested. I have 5 more weeks left. More coming soon enjoy the photos.

Oh! Almost forgot! The same Russian friend who took me to the play also took me to meet his friend, who has land out in the country, north of Moscow. There are pics of Kelly and I in the Russian countryside. Another great experience. Cold though.

5 Minutes Until Midnight

dzhivago — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:20:20 +0000

I have a few minutes to write a quick post! This weekend I had a fantastic experience at the market. I will find out again exactly where it was. I remember we took the purple line to Taganskaya then transferred. I bought a pair of gloves that were badly needed and a few other surprises for those back home! Another great opportunity to speak Russian and be understood! This event not overshadowed by my second scare at the metro. Myself and two other ladies made the dangerous error of venturing to Sportivnaya on Saturday when Russia lost to Germany. As soon as we got to the metro station we realized we were not safe. If the intensity of the sports fans wasn’t bad enough, I happened to see the police kindly escorting out a young guy, my age about, injured in the metro. He had obviously been beaten and seemed to be Central Asian. Then came the skinheads. Fortunately by that time we were already on our way to the other side of the station, almost out of harms way. I cannot appreciate this aspect of Russian culture.

On a much better note, I have another week of classes starting tomorrow. I am looking forward to continuing the Chekov, “Дама с Собачкой” (Lady with the Dog). Russian literature is the main contributor to my ultimate desire to study Russian. Dostoevsky, I believe was my first. I knew, afterward, I had to find myself a Raskolnikov! The image of the ax and the old woman still gives me the chills. Maybe not the best thought right before bed… Onward!

To Shed a Bit More Light

dzhivago — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:59:25 +0000

I wanted to shed a little more light on my description of the “Russian soul” from the previous post.This morning I was given a Russian proverb or saying of sorts that I think can help:

Россию умом не понять в неё только нужно верить.

From what I understand, the translation is more or less, Russia cannot be understood with the mind, only with feeling. Well, that’s roughly translated, because верить means “to trust,” but the idea is, it is difficult for me to articulate clearly what I’m slowly understanding. It is a mess of feelings. Any Russian speakers and or those who feel they understand please let me know what your opinions are. I appreciate the wisdom.

also, the photo is from today, after a short drizzle/ hailstorm. It doesn’t do the moment justice. The colors don’t seem to be as vibrant when I upload the photo. That seems to be a pattern with this blog. I uploaded it because it is strangely relavant to my post.

An Affair In Red Square

dzhivago — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:47:55 +0000

Another eventful week in Moscow. Last Monday we attended a phenomenal performance of a Moiseyev ballet. Moiseyev is one of the most famous ballet choreographers of Russia. It was a bit haunting to see this performance. The costumes were stunning. This experience brought me back to one of my earliest memories of seeing a Russian ballet company in Virgina when I was about 4 years old! How incredible to see a performance in Russia! Unfortunately no pictures were allowed in the theater or else I would post a few. Here is some good info in English about Moiseyev. I am not always a promoter of Wiki, but the bio is pretty good I think.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Igor_Moiseyev

Moscow has officially turned the heat on! I can just barely hear the gurgle from my radiator. That gives me hope that they will ACTUALLY turn it on soon, when it gets really cold. We have a space heater that is working fabulously, so no worries about me enduring the cold just yet.

Moscow has not only tested my confidence these past few weeks (my third week is up) but it has also inspired many deep and thoughtful conversations about life, living, love, the Russian soul, the American soul, food, survival, being a woman and many other topics that manifested themselves differently in Moscow. When it comes to life and living, I have felt a shift in my perception. Russians seem to be more reactive or reactionary than Americans. Actions first observed my a friend of mine. More impulsive. They do what they want, they say what they want and they express their emotions accordingly. Americans are so practical and are always muddled with consequences. Why this cultural difference? Well as I have said to those active in this discussion here in Moscow, Russia is an old soul. America-young, still developing the depths of its soul, There is really nothing wrong with either.

More to come as I figure out details pertaining to the other topics. I hope to read some comments.

Here are some new photos. An evening in Red Square. We also found an abandoned kitten outside freezing in the cold. We named him Pushkin after the famous Russian poet. He’s so darn cute! There are also a few left overs from the trip to the Arbat I forgot to post.